December 2009
Looks Like We Made It!
That was a tough one.
Come on in and stop for a second to shake your head, dust yourself off, and look back at how far you’ve come.
Sure, it’s been a long year. Some crushing lows slapped you and smacked you around. There were times your heart dipped and you squinted back tears while your stomach squeezed so tightly you couldn’t sleep. There were moments you walked around in a glossy-eyeball...
“Writing is the one thing I do that doesn’t make me feel as if I should be...”
“Don’t make me come down there!”
– God
5 Types Of Weather That Send Britain Bonkers
1. Snow Because we don’t get it much, we panic when we do. The whole country stops as people can’t get to work, trains stop running, roads are empty and no one can do anything. It’s been going on long enough that you’d think we’d figured something out by now – I mean, snow doesn’t come often but we probably get it at least once a year.
2. Rain I don’t mean drizzle, because we deal with that all...
Maybe there is a god
If I were to believe in a god, he would not be a benevolent god, as I’ve never seen evidence of one of them. However, today could be the only day in which I say, “Yeah, maybe he’s there and maybe he’s good.”
Why?
The snow.
It seems to be a god’s way of saying sorry.
“Look guys, I’ll be honest, the decade sucked. Terrorism, global warming and...
Snow
I just went out tromping about in the snow. We got an inch and a half, two inches maybe, in under an hour. And there’s no signs of it slowing down yet. It’s beautiful out there, especially the parts that are untouched. I wandered to the supermarket car park where two people were walking a dog. The girl made a snow angel. A car came in, turned around a left, leaving a small trail. I...
“Snow? In December? Does this mean that global warming has reverted, the world is...”
– Me, trying to make sense of things
“War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.”
– Ambrose Bierce
'Twas The Site Before Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all ‘cross the web All the users were clicking, the big names and the plebs MySpace was decked out in baubles and candles And each tired nickname ‘twas a new festive handle As children by now we’d be snuggled in bed But we now stay online and leave comments instead Farmville and Farm Town have settled their spat And holly and ivy surround every Lolcat YouTube...
WatchA trailer designed by God.
“Britain creates sports and watches the rest of the world master them, with the...”
– TV Tropes
“Ah, Ancient Egypt. Now there’s a society where the funeral industry got...”
The Pantheon
There were five of them, our own perfect pantheon of sixth-form godliness. There was Liam on vocals, god of singing, cigarettes, stolen beer and being effortlessly cool. Josh, the bassist, god of music and magic, of first kisses, young romance and fake ID. Harry, the guitarist, god of love, lust and the silly things people do when their hormones get involved. He was probably also the god of time,...
Him (Lily Allen)
Would you please take me away from this place I cannot bear to see the look upon your faces And if there is some kind of god do you think he’s pleased When he looks down on us I wonder what he sees Do you think he’d think the things we do are a waste of time Maybe he’d think we are getting on just fine Do you think he’s skint or financially secure And come election time I...
The 12 Drinks of Christmas
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my friends all drank with me… 12 Liquid Cocaines 11 shots of whiskey 10 Kamikazes 9 pints of snakebite 8 bottles of wine 7 Margaritas 6 gin and tonics 5 vodka shots 4 Irish coffees 3 alcopops 2 Jack and cokes And a well shaken martini!
The 12 Days of Christmas (Films)
On the twelfth day of Christmas, we watched on 4OD… Twelve Angry Men Ocean’s Eleven Ten Things I Hate About You Nine And a Half Weeks Police Academy 8 Lucky Number Sleven Six Degrees of Seperation Slaughterhouse-5! For A Few Dollars More The Three Musketeers Tomb Raider And the annual show of Love Actually…
“Elvis is dead. Get over it.”
“Do you think there’s a screening process for Bede? Like, you have to be a...”
– The politics of the Roehampton University student accomodation is quite simple: snobs in Lee, weirdos in Bede
The Physics of Santa Claus
No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn’t (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children,...
Abusing Billionaires
I had this dream last night…
I was sitting with some other people on the base of a statue in London. There were some names of famous people carved into the wall. Suddenly, Richard Branson appeared and came and sat down with us. I think we were with his daughter (don’t know if he has one or not). They were all talking and I then turned to Richard and went, “What company do you...
“Firsty I would like to thank Sarah Batchelor for persuading me that Tequila was...”
– Claire’s Facebook Status on Saturday morning
November 2009
“Life is like the Tumblr Dashboard. Sometimes it’s lots of pretty pictures...”
– Me 