July 2009
“In America, there are always cookies.”
– Katherine, during High School Musical 3
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“Hell is empty. All the devils are here.”
– William Shakespeare, The Tempest
A tangled web
Me: I really need to re-do the chart of how everyone's connected.
Friend: Why don't you?
Me: I can't find any appropriate software and I haven't got the time or room to do it by hand.
Friend: Does it need redoing? Not much can have happened in those couple of years.
Me: Are you kidding? Everyone's been boning each other more than ever. And have you any idea how much of a whorefest DailyBooth is?
“Our destiny is frequently met in the very paths we take to avoid it.”
– Jean de La Fontaine
Dating in the 21st Century
Boy: “Hey, I think we should break up.”
Girl: “Oh my God, oh no! Why?”
Boy: “I just don’t feel the same way anymore and it’s not fair to you. It’s not you, it’s me.”
Girl: “I suppose it’s for the best.”
Boy: “Good, we can still be friends.”
Girl: “Yeah. So will you change it on Facebook?”
Boy: “OK, it’s the least I can do.”
“It’s” or “Its”?...
“I can see your penis. I like it.”
– Ellie, at the swimming pool, apropos of nothing
“We are given speech to hide our thoughts.”
– Source unknown
“Clubbing, cruises, New Year’s Eve, the Eighties, Facebook. Let’s be...”
– Paraphased from How I Met Your Mother, but very true.
Louise and I discuss creativity
Me: I just think it's something you can either do or you can't!
Louise: I don't know. I mean, look at that bottle.
[She points at a bottle of Diet Coke.]
Louise: I can't understand how anyone could not draw that as it is. If I see something, I draw it that way. I guess I just have that mind.
Me: Exactly. While I can think of a few dozen words to describe it, and could probably write 1,000 words centred around it, but if I tried to draw it I'd fail epically.
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“Have you noticed that Snape hasn’t actually changed his facial expression...”
– Me, during Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (second time round)
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Ten Reasons The Sixth Harry Potter Film Rocks
Aside from Harry/Daniel, Ron/Rupert, Hermione/Emma…
Minerva McGonagall / Maggie Smith
Severus Snape / Alan Rickman
Lavender Brown / Jessie Cave
Horace Slughorn / Jim Broadbent
Ginny Weasley / Bonnie Wright
Molly Weasley / Julie Walters
Albus Dumbledore / Michael Gambon
Draco Malfoy / Tom Felton
Bellatrix Lestrange / Helena Bonham Carter
Arthur Weasley / Mark Williams
You know, I...
“At the end of the day, it’s none of our business … but when has that...”
– Me, on the business of others
“One of the principal functions of a friend is to suffer (in a milder and...”
– Brave New World, Aldous Huxley (pg. 156)
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Massacre of the Innocence
Unfortunately, I didn’t write this. It comes from BornBlitzed from deviantArt, but I had to share it because it was too good.
Georgie Porgie threw an orgy just outside L.A., where Jack Be Nimble grabbed his thimble, outing him as gay… Little Jack Horner bought Time Warner before the bubble burst, though Jumping Jack Flash saw the crash and liquidated first…...
Bulldog
I always thought that the reasoning of it was pretty pathetic but no one ever commented on that. It was a standard tradition that had gone on for years, and probably the most epic sight I shall ever see in my lifetime.
You see, our common room had just two sofas and they were positioned nicely in front of the TV, with easy access to the old-school games console. A throne for sixth form...
A Random Thing I Found In A Notebook From...
He wants to be a little boy again, climbing the heart-shaped tree. Tree of life, heart of death, the heart that kills, kills people, never stopping, never slowing down, everyone the heart loves dies and so is the way it has always been. Always since the boy climbed the tree and died and his story is not one of great importance, just like anyone who we know. The milkman has a good story but the...
“That baby looks like a paedophile, and it’s just a baby.”
– Claire, on Heather’s offspring
“I love being a writer; it means I can properly appreciate pathetic fallacy.”
– Me, being writerly.
A pant-wettingly funny website →
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“I’m going to soon be the Bellatrix to your Sirius!”
– Smack talk from @BuryTheWorries during a duel with @colleen
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“In London, nothing is too weird. Brighton, doubly so.”
– Me
Well Dressed Boy
There’s nothing about him to mark him as special That well dressed boy in old London town A dapper young chap, just minding his own In polished black shoes, makes a clacking sound He coats his legs in skin-tight jeans They might as well be painted on A vision in white and black and grey Like a Photoshop painting in monochrome Expertly tousled, his hair defies physics The wind never dares move a...
"It's Not Me, It's You" Blurb
Morgan Fox is dating Martha Anderson who absolutely hates Lisa Grimwade whose best friend has always been Emily Edison who is the agony aunt for Bobbie Fox who is dating Lance Mint who is secretly sleeping with Val Fantom who is good friends with Roger Standring who buys drugs from Sean Blecker who is cheating on Iris Cowen who works on the school yearbook with Morgan Fox…
No relationship...
“My name is now two letters longer. Excellent.”
– Me, upon finding out I’d recieved a 2:1 in my degree
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I am loving this song right now.
“Plock, plock”
– Pickwick, a dodo
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“Her eyes were so beautiful and perfect that if a writing student had tried to...”
– From my short story, Graveside
Some Dance To Remember
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget. Tonight, I was dancing to forget. My right hand clasped his left and I guided his hip around the room as we moved in time to the music. His blue eyes shone out of the darkness, lighting up his whole face. I couldn’t help but smile as he looked at me, our eyes joined by an invisible bond I didn’t want to break.
“I shouldn’t be here,” I said, and...
Truth Be Bold
If it’s true, make it bold. (This came from http://joemcd.tumblr.com.)
I‘ve never watched Titanic. I’ve never read Pride and Prejudice. I’ve never been drunk. I’ve never played Laser Tag. I’ve never skipped in a public place. I’ve never sung at an inappropriate moment. I’ve never cried over a movie. I’ve never cried reading a book. I’ve never cried while watching a TV show. I’ve never owned...
One of my favourite Bob Ricci songs of all time.
“Books are easy to read. People are not.”
– Me, trying to be deep
WatchI am so getting tickets for this when it comes to London’s West End.
